Emmeline Finch: I'm only thinking of Russell's condition.
Mrs. Marcus: You mean his financial condition, because that's the only condition that he has.
J. Russell Finch: Yeah but...
Mrs. Marcus: Emmeline, do you know why your husband had a nervous breakdown? It's because he has sunk $40,000, including $15,000 of my money into a company that makes seaweed for people to eat.
J. Russell Finch: Yeah but...
Mrs. Marcus: And not only does nobody like it, but it costs over $4.00 a can.
J. Russell Finch: Yeah but...
Mrs. Marcus: Yeah but WHAT?
J. Russell Finch: Well, most people like it and I like it, and I'm working hard trying to keep the cost down.
Mrs. Marcus: Yeah you were working hard trying to keep the cost down the day that you ran out of your office and stood in the street screaming.
Emmeline Finch: Mother!
Mrs. Marcus: Oh Emmeline, shut up!
[Russell starts to speak]
Mrs. Marcus: And you too!


--Ethel Merman (as Mrs. Marcus) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Emmeline Finch: Oh Russell, I feel sick.
J. Russell Finch: Now take it easy honey, these things happen ya know.
Mrs. Marcus: Now what kind of an attitude is that, "these things happen"? They only happen because this whole country is just full of people, who when these things happen, they just say "these things happen," and that's why they happen! We gotta have control of what happens to us.


--Ethel Merman (as Mrs. Marcus) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Sylvester Marcus: [into a phone] Mama, who's with you? Where are you talking to me... Where are you?
Mrs. Marcus: [into the phone] I'm with this truck driver at Peterson's garage in a place called Plaster City. And will you just shut up a minute so I can tell you what happened!
Sylvester Marcus: Now listen, Mommy, you listen to me close. You stay right there, because I'm coming, Mom. I'm coming to get you right now.
Mrs. Marcus: Will you SHUT UP AND LISTEN?
Sylvester Marcus: Mama, it's all right. Everything's gonna be all right. Your baby's coming to get ya. You just sit there. Sit there, relax, take it easy. I'm coming to get you, Mama! Everything is gonna be all right!
[Hangs up]
Lennie Pike: Well?
Mrs. Marcus: So he's coming here. And I'm not to worry about a thing, because "everything is going to be all right!"
Mrs. Marcus: [to Emmeline] Exactly like your father: a big, stupid, muscle-headed moron!


--Ethel Merman (as Mrs. Marcus) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Molly Donahue: You start worrying about your kids the day they're born, and you never stop. Even after they bury you, I bet you never stop worrying.


--Ethel Merman (as Molly Donahue) in There's No Business Like Show Business

Mrs. Marcus: [Referring to her son, Sylvester] Exactly like your father! A big stupid muscle-headed moron!


--Ethel Merman (as Mrs. Marcus) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Mrs. Marcus: Nobody's gonna get *me* up in the air!


--Ethel Merman (as Mrs. Marcus) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Reno Sweeney: [angrily, to Billy] You never even laid a hand on me, and I'm not used to a man treating me like that!


--Ethel Merman (as Reno Sweeney) in Anything Goes

Sally Adams: Call Me Madam.
Pemberton Maxwell: Madam...
Sally Adams: When you call me madam, smile.


--Ethel Merman (as Sally Adams) in Call Me Madam

Ding Bell: Ah, this is hopeless. We're gonna get noplace if we're gonna continue listening to this old bag.
Benjy Benjamin: What are you trying to do, lady? You trying to split us up so it becomes every man for himself?
Ding Bell: ...And every woman for HIMself?
Mrs. Marcus: One more funny remark from you, buster...


--Ethel Merman (as Mrs. Marcus) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Lennie Pike: All right lady, are you gonna get out or am I gonna have to throw you out?
Emmeline Finch: Oh please Mr. Pike, don't get upset.
Mrs. Marcus: He's not gonna do anything! Drive on, ya big stupid idiot!


--Ethel Merman (as Mrs. Marcus) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World