Sheriff Cramer: I'll take your six-shooter.
Gene Autry: Now look here, Cramer...
Sheriff Cramer: Just to make sure you mind your own business. I don't wear this badge for fun, you know.


--Chill Wills (as ) in Loaded Pistols

The Sniper: I'd like to stay in a place long enough to get my pants pressed.


--Chill Wills (as ) in Honky Tonk

Uncle Bawley: Bick, you shoulda shot that fella a long time ago. Now he's too rich to kill.


--Chill Wills (as Uncle Bawley) in Giant

Doc Murdoch: Can you cook lamb?
Cookie: There are nine different ways to cook mutton. And I know them all!
Homer Kettle: Never mind that! Do you cook it with the hair on?
Cookie: I should say not!
Crowd: Hurray!
Homer Kettle: Then you're hired!


--Chill Wills (as Homer Kettle) in Western Union

Molly Thatcher: I don't understand. How can you buy something when you don't even know what it is?
Ray Jay: Well, you see, ma'am, Henry here is a real wheeler dealer. And a wheeler dealer is somebody that loves to find places for money to go. It's like hitchin' on to a star. You may zoom up to the sky on a mighty pretty ride.
Molly Thatcher: And if the star falls?
Henry Tyroon: Well, then I find some way for the, uh, government to take three-quarters of the loss.
Jay Ray: You see, Miss Thatcher, that's the mark of a REAL wheeler dealer.


--Chill Wills (as ) in The Wheeler Dealers

[last lines]
Sheriff Cramer: Come on down, fella. We got a certain judge we want you to meet.


--Chill Wills (as ) in Loaded Pistols

[the Sheriff doubles back to check on Gene's story]
Dave Randall: What are you doin', Sheriff? Playin' injun?
Sheriff Cramer: You see a lot of things that way sometimes. Besides, if Mary's with her brother, Gene could have been coverin' for her. He's a sucker for a lady in distress.


--Chill Wills (as ) in Loaded Pistols

Police Captain: Gentlemen, the city of Fort Lauderdale is once again under fire from the north. We've survived it before and I reckon we're gonna survive it again. To you newly installed officers on the force, I'd to give you a little rundown on what to expect. Expect anything. Anything and everything cause that's what you're gonna get. Now, Fort Lauderdale is not the only city to be invaded at this time. In Palm Springs and in Newport, from the beaches of the Mid Atlantic to the snows of Colorado, the students of America are gathering to celebrate the rites of spring. And, if you pardon a pun, you've got that right. They're our future voters, their citizens of our country, and they're our responsibility. But how the hell to handle them, that's a different manner.
[laughter from officers]
Police Captain: Now these kids didn't come down here to break the law. They'll break it for sure, but that's not their main objective. And remember that they are our guests. So, I want every man on the force to try his best, his level best, to try to avoid arresting anyone. I know that this going to take great will power but try. And, above all preserve your sense of humor. Cause you're gonna need it if you want to survive. And... God bless you all.


--Chill Wills (as ) in Where the Boys Are