Mr. Thorndyke: Good evening.
Tennessee Steinmetz: Sorry, the other rats are out for the evening!


--Buddy Hackett (as Tennessee Steinmetz) in The Love Bug

Mr. Thorndyke: Good sir, would you say this is a compact car?... You do not answer. Well, let me tell you that you've never heard of a compact car until you see what I'm going to do with this. Mr. Douglas, I have a friend with a claw-and-hook auto-wrecking company in San Francisco, and he's going to work on your car. Maybe he'll transform it into a birdbath. Or what about a nice doormat, so I can wipe my feet on it every day. It's too bad this thing doesn't have the gumption to get up to the starting line this morning. I should have enjoyed beating it.
[kicks Herbie again]
Tennessee Steinmetz: [croaking, grunting] AUWWW...!


--Buddy Hackett (as Tennessee Steinmetz) in The Love Bug

Mr. Thorndyke: What part of Ireland did you say your mother came from?
Tennessee Steinmetz: Coney, Ireland.
[laughs drunkenly]


--Buddy Hackett (as Tennessee Steinmetz) in The Love Bug

Jim Douglas: Why is it the only food we have in this house is parrot food? I mean, we don't *have* a parrot.
Tennessee Steinmetz: Eat that! That's good. That's pressed kelp. That aerates your liver.


--Buddy Hackett (as Tennessee Steinmetz) in The Love Bug

Harold Hill: So now I'm back at the old stand.
Marcellus Washburn: Not boys' bands? Well, ain't no call for a boys' band in this town. Anything these Iowa people don't have already, they do without.


--Buddy Hackett (as Marcellus Washburn) in The Music Man

Benjy Benjamin: [while Benji tries to fly the plane, Ding tries putting head phones on Benji's head] Hey, get outta here.
Ding Bell: Put them on.
Benjy Benjamin: I don't wanna.
Ding Bell: Benji, I tell you, he said the man who's flying should be talking on this thing.
Benjy Benjamin: What, am I supposed to everything? You want me to fly the airplane, you want me to work the radio, what are you gonna... What are you, the hostess?


--Buddy Hackett (as Benjy Benjamin) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Benjy Benjamin: If I have to climb much more of *this* I'll be lying down there *with* him!


--Buddy Hackett (as Benjy Benjamin) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Hans: Don't you worry, sir. I'll be just as good a master to you as you were to me.


--Buddy Hackett (as ) in The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm

Marcellus Washburn: Thar she blows.
Harold Hill: [winces] I'll do it, but I don't like it.
Marcellus Washburn: [amused] No, that's not the librarian. That's Mrs. Shinn, the mayor's wife.


--Buddy Hackett (as Marcellus Washburn) in The Music Man

S.Z. Matts: [Seeing kids dancing] You know if there was no music here this place would be raided.


--Buddy Hackett (as ) in Muscle Beach Party