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Constable: Mr. Jimson?
Gulley Jimson: No. That's my first cousin, once removed, an artist who's always getting into trouble with the police. He just went up the road. Shall I call him back?
Constable: Have you just sent a telephone message of a threatening character to Mr. Hickson of Portland Place?
Gulley Jimson: I only said I'd burn his house down and cut his liver out.
Constable: Now he doesn't want to prosecute, but if you go on making a nuissance of yourself, well, he's gonna have to take steps.
Gulley Jimson: Would he rather I cut his liver out without phoning?
Constable: Now, come now, Mr. Jimson. Put yourself in his place.
Gulley Jimson: I wish I could. It's a very nice place.


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Oliver Twist

Oliver Twist

Fagin: Clever dogs, clever dogs. Never blowed on old Fagin.


--Alec Guinness (as Fagin) in Oliver Twist

Oliver Twist

Oliver Twist

Fagin: Strike them all dead! What right have you to butcher me?


--Alec Guinness (as Fagin) in Oliver Twist

Oliver Twist

Oliver Twist

Fagin: You'd like to make pocket handkerchiefs as easily as the Artful Dodger, wouldn't you my dear?
Oliver Twist: Yes, if you teach me sir.
Fagin: We will, my dear, we will.


--Alec Guinness (as Fagin) in Oliver Twist

Last Holiday

Last Holiday

George Bird: How do you keep smiling with a stiff upper lip?


--Alec Guinness (as George Bird) in Last Holiday


Gulley Jimson: [to Nosey] Now see what you've done. Got me locked out for life.
[Referring to prison]


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Gulley Jimson: Go and do something sensible, like shooting yourself! But don't be an artist!


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Gulley Jimson: Go away. Scram. Tie lead weights to your feet, fireworks in your hair, kiss your mother goodbye and jump in the river. I don't know you. I don't want to know you. Buzz off! Explode!


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Gulley Jimson: I have news for you... I'm going to be a little bit ill.


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Gulley Jimson: I like it here: bricks and broken glass, and an old garbage can. It's the story of my life.


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

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Gulley Jimson: It could happen to anyone, dear. All the greatest artists got their squares wrong. Numbers were invented by Arabs who hate art.


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Gulley Jimson: It's the kind of face you want to throw a brick at, don't you think?


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Gulley Jimson: Of course you want to be an artist. Everybody does, once. But they get over it, like measles and chicken pox.
Nosey: But there have to be artists!
Gulley Jimson: And lunatics too! But why go and live in an asylum before you're sent for?


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Gulley Jimson: Thirty seconds of revelation is worth a million years of know-nothings.


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Gulley Jimson: What are you doing?
Miss D. Coker: I'm saying my prayers; I forgot them.
Gulley Jimson: I thought you hated G-d.
Miss D. Coker: Maybe I do.
Gulley Jimson: Why do you pray then?
Miss D. Coker: Well, he's our Father, isn't he?
Gulley Jimson: That's a funny reason.


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Gulley Jimson: What are your feet like?
Charwoman: Why?
Gulley Jimson: If they're really old, trampled feet - as I suspect - I'd like to draw them.
Charwoman: Draw your own feet!
[she leaves]
Gulley Jimson: Old women's feet... thin, flat, long, clinging to the ground like reptiles.


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Henry Holland: I was a potential millionaire, yet I had to be satisfied with eight pounds, fifteen shillings, less deductions.


--Alec Guinness (as Henry Holland) in The Lavender Hill Mob

Henry Holland: Instead of changing as usual at Charing Cross, I came straight on to Rio de Janeiro. "Gay, sprightly, land of mirth and social ease." Pendlebury.
British man: Plus six Eiffel Towers. How much did they fetch?
Henry Holland: Twenty-five thousand pounds. Enough to keep me for one year in the style to which I was, ah, unaccustomed.


--Alec Guinness (as Henry Holland) in The Lavender Hill Mob

Henry Holland: Mr. Richards, with gold at 240 shillings per fine ounce, that particle, estimating its value at, .025, would entail a loss at approximately six shillings.


--Alec Guinness (as Henry Holland) in The Lavender Hill Mob

Henry Holland: The world is ours!


--Alec Guinness (as Henry Holland) in The Lavender Hill Mob

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