Don Andre - The Viceroy: You know, you should have been a justice minister for I don't know even now whether or not you're tricking me.
Uncle Pio: Have I ever tricked you except for your own good?


--Akim Tamiroff (as Uncle Pio) in The Bridge of San Luis Rey

Lt. Schwegler: [checking his guidebook entry about the hotel] You have a native cook by the name of Berek.
Farid: [nervous] Terek, sir. Terek. Yes, sir. But he ran away this morning. With the British to Alexandria.
Lt. Schwegler: [checking the guidebook] You have a wife.
Farid: Oh, yes, sir. Yes. But *she* run away. Yes, sir.
Lt. Schwegler: With the British to Alexandria?
Farid: [sadly] No, sir. With a Greek to Casablanca.


--Akim Tamiroff (as Farid) in Five Graves to Cairo

Bishop: Brother Giuseppe! I knew you'd be here someday.
Giuseppe: [overjoyed that the Bishop remembers him] Your Excellency.
Bishop: How are the lambs?
Giuseppe: Oh, they are sheep now, your Excellency.
Bishop: Oh yes, of course. Has it been that long? And the studies - they've been hard, eh?
Giuseppe: [sighs and nods] But mostly I miss the stables. That's where I really belong, I shouldn't be here.
Bishop: Let me be the judge of that, Giuseppe. There will be many lost sheep to care for.


--Akim Tamiroff (as Bishop) in The Reluctant Saint

Fiesta: I look around and pretty soon I marry my wife in Santa Fe. Ah, the best woodchopper in the country. You bet you my life, the best. But one day she gets bite by a rattlesnake.
Mollie Monahan: She did? Did the doctor get there in time?
Fiesta: No, she's already dead.
Mollie Monahan: Your wife?
Fiesta: My wife? No, no, the snake.


--Akim Tamiroff (as Fiesta) in Union Pacific

The Politician: If it wasn't for graft, you'd get a very low type of people in politics, men without ambition, jellyfish!


--Akim Tamiroff (as The Boss) in The Great McGinty

Uncle Pio: [Tp Michaelia] I warned His Excellancy that the palace crows would peck at you but can't reach you across the footlights. You will always be safe there.


--Akim Tamiroff (as Uncle Pio) in The Bridge of San Luis Rey

Uncle Pio: One should never trust a woman.


--Akim Tamiroff (as Uncle Pio) in The Bridge of San Luis Rey

Wu Lien: Yes, yes, I read often in the winter to warm my blood, sometimes in the summer to cool it.


--Akim Tamiroff (as Wu Lien) in Dragon Seed

Eugéne François Vidocq: Try to see further than the point of your knife. If I become chief of police, we'll have a chance to loot the city.
Emile Vernet: Loot a city? What does that mean?
Eugéne François Vidocq: Conservatively... fifteen million.
Emile Vernet: Fifteen...?
Eugéne François Vidocq: ...million... in gold.
Emile Vernet: Where is it?
Eugéne François Vidocq: In the vault of the Bank of Paris.
Emile Vernet: Bank of Paris? Hmmmnnnn... Such a job! No! Too big for the two of us!
Eugéne François Vidocq: Yes, but we can enlist the support of your dear family.
Emile Vernet: Yeah, family!... Yeah, but we'll have to give them a cut.
Eugéne François Vidocq: A small percentage.
Emile Vernet: Nah... no percentage! Just a cut!


--Akim Tamiroff (as Emile Vernet) in A Scandal in Paris

Gentleman Brown: [to Cornelius] Drunk, you're useless!
Schomberg: He's useless anyway.


--Akim Tamiroff (as Schomberg) in Lord Jim