Cuthbert J. Twillie:
Come, my phlox, my flower! I have some very definite pear-shaped ideas that I'd like to discuss with thee.
Cuthbert J. Twillie:
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Compelled to live on food and water...
Gambler: Will you play cards!
Cuthbert J. Twillie: - for several days.
Gambler: Will you play cards!
Cuthbert J. Twillie: - for several days.
Cuthbert J. Twillie:
I will be all things to you: father, mother, husband, counselor, jackanapes, bartender...
Flower Belle Lee: You're offering quite a bundle, honey.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: My heart is a bargain today. Will you take me?
[she sneaks a look at his satchel full of what she thinks is money]
Flower Belle Lee: I'll take you - and how.
Flower Belle Lee: You're offering quite a bundle, honey.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: My heart is a bargain today. Will you take me?
[she sneaks a look at his satchel full of what she thinks is money]
Flower Belle Lee: I'll take you - and how.
Cuthbert J. Twillie:
I'm tending bar one time down in the lower East side in New York... a tough felona comes in there by the name of Chicago Molly. I cautioned her, "None of your peccadilloes in here." There was some hot lunch on the bar comprising of succotash, Philadelphia cream cheese and asparagus with mayonnaise. She dips her mitt down into this melange - I'm yawning at the time - and she hits me right in the mug with it. I jumps over the bar and I knocks her down.
Squawk Mulligan, bartender: [walks up] Where's the funnel?
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I don't know. It's up along there somewhere. You were there the night I knocked Chicago Molly down, weren't you?
Squawk Mulligan, bartender: YOU knocked her down? I was the one that knocked her down.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: [to the barfly] Oh, yeah, yes, that's right. He knocked her down. But I was the one started kicking her!
Squawk Mulligan, bartender: Here's the funnel.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: [to Squawk] Yeah, OK.
[to barfly]
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I starts kicking her in the midriff. D'ja ever kick a woman in the midriff that had a pair of corsets on?
Barfly drinking Panther: No, I just can't recall any such incident right now.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Why I almost broke my great toe. I never had such a painful experience.
Barfly drinking Panther: Uh, did she ever come back again?
Squawk Mulligan, bartender: I'll say she came back! She came back a week later and beat the both of us up.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Yeah. But she had another woman with her... an elderly lady with gray hair.
Squawk Mulligan, bartender: [walks up] Where's the funnel?
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I don't know. It's up along there somewhere. You were there the night I knocked Chicago Molly down, weren't you?
Squawk Mulligan, bartender: YOU knocked her down? I was the one that knocked her down.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: [to the barfly] Oh, yeah, yes, that's right. He knocked her down. But I was the one started kicking her!
Squawk Mulligan, bartender: Here's the funnel.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: [to Squawk] Yeah, OK.
[to barfly]
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I starts kicking her in the midriff. D'ja ever kick a woman in the midriff that had a pair of corsets on?
Barfly drinking Panther: No, I just can't recall any such incident right now.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Why I almost broke my great toe. I never had such a painful experience.
Barfly drinking Panther: Uh, did she ever come back again?
Squawk Mulligan, bartender: I'll say she came back! She came back a week later and beat the both of us up.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Yeah. But she had another woman with her... an elderly lady with gray hair.
Cuthbert J. Twillie:
I've been worried about you, my little peachfuzz. Have you been loitering somewhere?
Flower Belle Lee: I've been learning things.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Unnecessary! You are the epitome of erudition... a double superlative. Can you handle it?
Flower Belle Lee: Yeah, and I can kick it around, too.
Flower Belle Lee: I've been learning things.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Unnecessary! You are the epitome of erudition... a double superlative. Can you handle it?
Flower Belle Lee: Yeah, and I can kick it around, too.
Cuthbert J. Twillie:
May I present my card?
Flower Belle Lee: 'Novelties and Notions.' What kind of notions you got?
Cuthbert J. Twillie: You'd be surprised. Some are old, some are new. Whom have I the honor of addressing, m'lady?
Flower Belle Lee: Mmm, they call me Flower Belle.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Flower Belle, what a euphonious appellation. Easy on the ears and a banquet for the eyes.
Flower Belle Lee: You're kinda cute yourself.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Thank you. I never argue with a lady.
Flower Belle Lee: Smart boy.
Flower Belle Lee: 'Novelties and Notions.' What kind of notions you got?
Cuthbert J. Twillie: You'd be surprised. Some are old, some are new. Whom have I the honor of addressing, m'lady?
Flower Belle Lee: Mmm, they call me Flower Belle.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Flower Belle, what a euphonious appellation. Easy on the ears and a banquet for the eyes.
Flower Belle Lee: You're kinda cute yourself.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Thank you. I never argue with a lady.
Flower Belle Lee: Smart boy.
Cuthbert J. Twillie:
Tell me, prairie flower, can you give me the inside info on yon damsel with the hothouse cognomen?
Mrs. Gideon: Do you mean Miss Flower Belle Lee?
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I don't mean some woman out in China.
Mrs. Gideon: Well! I'm afraid I can't say anything good about her.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I can see what's good. Tell me the rest.
Mrs. Gideon: Do you mean Miss Flower Belle Lee?
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I don't mean some woman out in China.
Mrs. Gideon: Well! I'm afraid I can't say anything good about her.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: I can see what's good. Tell me the rest.
Mrs. Gideon:
...if you ask me...
Cousin Zeb: Well nobody *asked* ya! So close yer gopher-trap, ya old snapping turtle!
Cousin Zeb: Well nobody *asked* ya! So close yer gopher-trap, ya old snapping turtle!