Charlie Chan:
Case still wide open like swinging gate.
Sergeant Kelly: Watta yuh mean?
Charlie Chan: Gravelle not murderer.
Inspector Regan: Not Gravelle?
Charlie Chan: Excuse please, will demonstrate hypothesis.
Sergeant Kelly: What?
Charlie Chan: Word of Greek origin, hypo meaning...
Sergeant Kelly: [interrupting] Hypo! I get it! He's hittin' the pipe again!
--William Demarest (as Sergeant Kelly) in Charlie Chan at the Opera
Sergeant Kelly: Watta yuh mean?
Charlie Chan: Gravelle not murderer.
Inspector Regan: Not Gravelle?
Charlie Chan: Excuse please, will demonstrate hypothesis.
Sergeant Kelly: What?
Charlie Chan: Word of Greek origin, hypo meaning...
Sergeant Kelly: [interrupting] Hypo! I get it! He's hittin' the pipe again!
--William Demarest (as Sergeant Kelly) in Charlie Chan at the Opera
Constable Kockenlocker:
[to his 14-year-old daughter, gruffly but jokingly] Listen, Zipper-puss! Some day they're just gonna find your hair ribbon and an axe someplace. Nothing else! The Mystery of Morgan's Creek!
--William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek
--William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek
Constable Kockenlocker:
Daughters. Phooey.
--William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek
--William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek
Constable Kockenlocker:
The trouble with kids is they always figure they're smarter than their parents - never stop to think if their old man could get by for 50 years and feed 'em and clothe 'em - he maybe had something up here to get by with - things that seem like brain twisters to you might be very simple for him.
--William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek
--William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek
Detective Gatling:
[unable to answer the quiz show question, "Who invented the machine gun?"] I know that as well as I know my own name!
--William Demarest (as ) in Dangerous Blondes
--William Demarest (as ) in Dangerous Blondes
Eben Frost:
It was the night of September 30th. I was in excruciating pain.
--William Demarest (as Eben Frost) in The Great Moment
--William Demarest (as Eben Frost) in The Great Moment
Editor Lees Berger:
Will Old World sophistication win over New World virility?
--William Demarest (as ) in Love on the Run
--William Demarest (as ) in Love on the Run
First Policeman:
When they start recitin' the Constitution, watch out!
--William Demarest (as First Detective) in The Devil and Miss Jones
--William Demarest (as First Detective) in The Devil and Miss Jones
George Fury:
Get your dumb thumb out of my eye!
Melody Jones: I was just trying to see if you was dead.
George Fury: Well, I ain't! And I don't like someone trying to gouge my eye out.
--William Demarest (as George Fury) in Along Came Jones
Melody Jones: I was just trying to see if you was dead.
George Fury: Well, I ain't! And I don't like someone trying to gouge my eye out.
--William Demarest (as George Fury) in Along Came Jones
George Fury:
Look Melody, you couldn't hit the hind end of your horse with a handful of buckshot and you know it. And you ain't a gunfighter, that's all. You ain't even a good shot. You're just a plain no good bronc stomper that's been hit in the seat of the pants so many times....
--William Demarest (as George Fury) in Along Came Jones
--William Demarest (as George Fury) in Along Came Jones
