François Filiba: Nice day, Major.
The Major: Eh-hmm.
François Filiba: You're looking fine, Major.
The Major: Now see here my good man, I've had just about enough of your insulting remarks.

François Filiba: Tonsils! Positively tonsils!

François Filiba: You know, if I like a man I remember him... and if I don't like him I never forget him.

Lily Vautier: [fuming] I wouldn't fall for another man if he was the biggest crook on earth!

Lily Vautier: Darling, remember, you are Gaston Monescu. You are a crook. I want you as a crook. I love you as a crook. I worship you as a crook. Steal, swindle, rob. Oh, but don't become one of those useless, good-for-nothing gigolos.

Lily Vautier: Don't you remember the day you took that Chinese vase from the Royal Palace? And you made it into a lamp for my night table.
Gaston Monescu: I remember the lamp, I remember the night table... . and I remember the night.

Lily Vautier: I have a confession to make to you: Baron, you are a crook. You robbed the gentleman in 253, 5, 7 and 9. May I have the salt?
Gaston Monescu: Please!
Lily Vautier: Thank you.
Gaston Monescu: The pepper too?
Lily Vautier: Oh, no, thank you.
Gaston Monescu: You're very welcome. Countess, believe me, before you left this room, I would have told you everything. And let me say this, with love in my heart: Countess, you are a thief. The wallet of the gentleman in 253, 5, 7 and 9 is in your possession. I knew it very well when you took it out of my pocket. In fact, you tickled me. But your embrace was so sweet.

Lily Vautier: Well, I'll leave you alone with that lady. But if you behave like a gentleman, I'll break your neck.

Lily Vautier: You know, when I first saw you, I thought you were an American.
Gaston Monescu: Thank you.
Lily Vautier: Someone from another world, so entirely different. Oh, one gets so tired of one's own class - princes and counts and dukes and kings! Everybody talking shop. Always trying to sell you jewelry. Then I heard your name and found out you were just one of us.
Gaston Monescu: Disappointed?
Lily Vautier: No, proud. Very proud.

The Major: I like to take my fun and leave it.