Jean-Marc Clement: You don't hold your liquor very well.
Alexander Coffman: I'm not leaking out any place.


--Tony Randall (as Alexander Coffman) in Let's Make Love

Mike: Are you an acrobat?
Dr. Lao: Only philosophically.


--Tony Randall (as Dr. Lao / The Abominable Snowman / Merlin the Magician / Apollonius of Tyana / Pan / The Giant Serpent / Medusa / Audience Member) in 7 Faces of Dr. Lao

Mike: How old are you?
Dr. Lao: I believe I will tell you. I am seven thousand, three hundred and twenty-two years old... this October.


--Tony Randall (as Dr. Lao / The Abominable Snowman / Merlin the Magician / Apollonius of Tyana / Pan / The Giant Serpent / Medusa / Audience Member) in 7 Faces of Dr. Lao

Dr. Melnick: What are you doing up there, Peter?
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: I'm the king of the elevator.


--Tony Randall (as Peter 'Pete' Ramsey) in Lover Come Back

Jerry Webster: Your trouble is that you're still living in the shadow of your Father. You're even afraid to get rid of his old car.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: You don't realize how completely he dominated me ever since I was a little boy. Just once I spoke back to him. He cut a switch from a tree and gave me such a whipping, in front of this girl. It was a shattering experience.
Jerry Webster: Pete, all kids get whippings.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: But I was twenty five, the girl was my fiancé.


--Tony Randall (as Peter 'Pete' Ramsey) in Lover Come Back

Dr. Lao: [Dr. Lao's Welcome speech] This is the circus of Dr. Lao./ We show you things that you don't know./We've spared no pains and spared no dough,/ but we wanted to give you one helluva show.


--Tony Randall (as Dr. Lao / The Abominable Snowman / Merlin the Magician / Apollonius of Tyana / Pan / The Giant Serpent / Medusa / Audience Member) in 7 Faces of Dr. Lao

Dr. Lao: Every time you pick up a grain of sand you hold a universe in the palm of your hand.


--Tony Randall (as Dr. Lao / The Abominable Snowman / Merlin the Magician / Apollonius of Tyana / Pan / The Giant Serpent / Medusa / Audience Member) in 7 Faces of Dr. Lao

Dr. Lao: My specialty is wisdom. Do you know what wisdom is?
Mike: No sir.
Dr. Lao: Wise answer.


--Tony Randall (as Dr. Lao / The Abominable Snowman / Merlin the Magician / Apollonius of Tyana / Pan / The Giant Serpent / Medusa / Audience Member) in 7 Faces of Dr. Lao

Dr. Lao: Now, Mr. Cunningham, do you suppose this garrulous intruder may be a... a swindler, perhaps, an assassin, a charlatan plotting some curious disaster for your town? Such characters exist, but they are secretive rather than mysterious. I, sir, am a major mystery.


--Tony Randall (as Dr. Lao / The Abominable Snowman / Merlin the Magician / Apollonius of Tyana / Pan / The Giant Serpent / Medusa / Audience Member) in 7 Faces of Dr. Lao

Dr. Lao: The whole world is a circus if you know how to look at it.


--Tony Randall (as Dr. Lao / The Abominable Snowman / Merlin the Magician / Apollonius of Tyana / Pan / The Giant Serpent / Medusa / Audience Member) in 7 Faces of Dr. Lao