Anton: Do you think deep down he loves her?
Felix Guignol: Dear boy, love is something that takes place before marriage, not during, and never after. For proof, ask any of my four ex-wives.

Sam Conride: That cologne of yours is very loud.
Felix Guignol: But in Tunis, very necessary.

Felix Guignol: Dear boy, when you ask for money, you're appealing to the most unresponsive side of my nature.

Felix Guignol: Don't be so unhappy. Marriage is a lottery. You may be getting a prize.
Sam Conride: Well, if it's a lottery, there ought to be a law against it.

Felix Guignol: Here's to art. The only world where age comes before beauty.

Felix Guignol: How much progress have you made with Miss Vasarri?
Sam Conride: Well, either she's extremely naïve, or, what is worse, she's just plain honest.

Felix Guignol: If it has a crooked aspect, it has occurred to me.

Felix Guignol: There are only two kinds of people: the impractical and the practical. And you cannot do business with the impractical. The best thing to do is to stay away from them. They confuse faith and ethics for business.
Sam Conride: Have you got a faith, Felix?
Felix Guignol: Certainly, my faith is that nothing is worth believing in. My faith is faithlessness, and so is yours. If we give that up, what are we going to live by? Man has to believe in something, even if it's nothing.

Felix Guignol: You seem very positive.
Mr. Aramescu: I have faith.
Felix Guignol: In that case, accept my condolences.