Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching: This is Susan Parker, my best friend. He's my best friend, too. Don't you think she's extravagant?
Tommy Randall: She's magnificent.
Susan Parker: Thank you. Charming little niece you have there.
Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching: I'm not really his niece, Susan. I'm just pretending.
Captain of SS Victoria: Mr. Randall, aren't you the child's uncle?
Tommy Randall: No, we met in Shanghai yesterday for the first time.

Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching: To be with the one you love is better for your health than medicine.
Judge J.D. Booth: That sounds like a Chinese proverb.
Tommy Randall: Oh, Judge, you haven't heard anything yet.

Mrs. Hope: Mind you, he was only twelve! Richard spoke up as quick as a flash, and what do you think he said?
Susan Parker: He said, "You may use my bicycle, Geraldine. I love sports, but I love the principles of manhood more."
Mrs. Hope: I'm afraid I'm boring you.
Susan Parker: I'm sorry, Mrs. Hope, but Richard told me that story the first three times you told it to me...
Mrs. Hope: I tell it not because Richard is my son, but because I thought you, as his future wife, might be interested. Obviously I was mistaken, but mark my words, the time will come when you'll be just as devoted to Richard...
Susan Parker: I am devoted to him, only...
Mrs. Hope: Only you have a peculiar way of demonstrating your devotion!

Mrs. Hope: What did you mean when you said you didn't know how you got aboard this ship? You must know!
Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching: But I don't. The last thing I remember is I fell asleep in Uncle Tommy's car.
Susan Parker: Tommy who?
Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching: Randall. Tommy Randall.
Susan Parker: Tommy Randall? Why, your Uncle Tommy is on board this ship!
Mrs. Hope: I might've known you were his niece. He's a problem child, too.
Susan Parker: I'll take you to him.
Mrs. Hope: Considering his reputation, you'd better turn her over to the Captain.

Judge J.D. Booth: Now, Ching-Ching, have either of the parties ever evidenced by their actions any proper legal grounds for divorce?
Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching: There is utterly no grounds for disturbing the marital status of the contestants.
Randall's Lawyer in Reno: This is most irregular, your honor. The child clearly doesn't know what she's saying!
Judge J.D. Booth: Oh yes, she does! Isn't this entire divorce case just the result of two adults behaving like stubborn children, refusing to break down and admit that they're in love with each other?

Susan Parker: Do you know where Ching-Ching is?
Tommy Randall: Yes.
Susan Parker: Well, would you mind telling me?
Tommy Randall: She's below, getting ready to leave the ship at the next stop. They're sending her to an orphanage for girls. She'll be marching in lockstep and eating gruel within a week. I hope you like it!
Susan Parker: Surely something can be done. That can't happen to Ching-Ching.
Tommy Randall: Wait a minute, I've got an idea. You're going to marry old sourpuss, aren't you?
Susan Parker: I beg your pardon!
Tommy Randall: I'm sorry, no offense meant. Look, I wanted to adopt Ching-Ching, but they won't let me because I'm unmarried. But you're getting married, you can adopt her.
Susan Parker: But Richard and I...
Tommy Randall: [shouting] You don't want her to go to an instituion, do you?
Susan Parker: [shouting] Of course not!
Tommy Randall: Look, I've gone completely soft about this kid. I know it's hard to believe, but true. Won't you please take her and let me pay for her upbringing until I can take her myself? That'll be as quick as I can get to the States and come back with a wife. You may not believe it, but there are quite a few women back home who'd be willing to marry me. Look, it's not for me, it's for Ching-Ching! Won't you please do it?
Susan Parker: All right, I'll do it.

Susan Parker: Moonlight on the water, stars in the sky, slow music, it's almost overdone, isn't it? They might've at least omitted the music.
Tommy Randall: Everything's here, including you and me. Taken all together, that spells romance.
Susan Parker: Romance takes two.
Tommy Randall: There are two here.
Susan Parker: Yes, but not the right two. You see, I'm engaged. To Richard Hope, Mrs. Hope's son. He's meeting the boat in Bangkok. We're to be married there.
Tommy Randall: Why Bangkok?
Susan Parker: Well, he lives there. He with an exporting firm.
Tommy Randall: Exporting what?
Susan Parker: Oh, ivory, apes, peacocks - that sort of thing. He came out here two years ago, and he's worked very hard.
Tommy Randall: You mean you've been engaged for two years, and you haven't seen him in all that time? Oh, you Latins, what a hot-blooded race you are.
Susan Parker: Richard isn't quite like that. Besides, we've known each other since we were children.
Tommy Randall: Well, I must say it all sounds rather lyrical.
Susan Parker: It may not be exactly lyrical.
Tommy Randall: Me, I've never been engaged, not definitely, that is, but if I were ...
Susan Parker: Not definitely is right. I seem to recall something in the newspapers: "Millionaire Playboy Sued for Breech of Promise."
Tommy Randall: Oh, I practically won that case. She only got ten thousand dollars. Poor kid, she'd been counting on fifty.
Susan Parker: Ten thousand dollars? That's more than Richard makes in a year.

Susan Parker: One never knows, does one, when love will come along?

Susan Parker: Richard, I want to adopt little Ching-Ching as soon as we're married.
Richard Hope: What?
Mrs. Hope: Whoever heard of such a thing!
Susan Parker: But if I don't, they'll put her in an institution!
Richard Hope: Well, that's what institutions are for.
Mrs. Hope: I'm sure Richard doesn't want to start his married life with a ready-made family, especially with a child called Ching-Ching!
Susan Parker: But it won't be for long, just until Mr. Randall gets back. You see, it's a favor to him. He wants to adopt her as soon as he can, and as soon as he gets married, he'll arrange to take her.
Richard Hope: Why should I do Mr. Randall a favor?
Susan Parker: But it isn't for him, it's for the little girl. Think of her future!
Mrs. Hope: Don't meddle with other people's destinies. Forget about this child! She got along before she met you, and she can get along after she leaves you. Dismiss her from your mind completely!
Susan Parker: Don't you think Richard and I should settle this by ourselves? After all, it concerns us.
Mrs. Hope: Anything that concerns Richard concerns me!
Richard Hope: I think Mother is right.
Susan Parker: Your mother's right, and I'm wrong?
Richard Hope: Yes. That is, I think you're mistaken.
Susan Parker: So do I. I've been mistaken about us. A marriage is for two people. I'm calling off our engagement.

Susan Parker: Richard! This is a surprise!
Richard Hope: It's a surprise for me, too.
Susan Parker: Oh, uh, Richard, this is Mr. Randall, and this is Miss Ching-Ching Stewart. I never thought I'd see you here.
Richard Hope: Evidently not.
Susan Parker: Weren't you surprised to see him here?
Mrs. Hope: Hardly. I sent for him.
Susan Parker: Marvelous. I love surprises, and I hardly ever get them.
Mrs. Hope: Susan, I think your friends will excuse you.
Susan Parker: Oh, Tommy, I must be going. You'll look after Ching-Ching, won't you?
Tommy Randall: She'll be perfectly fine.
Susan Parker: [leaving] Goodbye, darling.
Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching: Goodbye, Aunt Susan. You like Susan, don't you, Uncle Tommy?
Tommy Randall: You could call it that.
Barbara Stewart aka Ching-Ching: I don't see how anyone could have fun with that Mr. Hope.
Tommy Randall: I'm afraid fun isn't everything, Ching-Ching.