Oscar Lindquist: The odds against us are at least a hundred to one.
Charity Hope Valentine: Those are the best odds I ever had.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Charity Hope Valentine) in Sweet Charity

Jerry Ryan: 3.30, Friday, and any time thereafter.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Any time thereafter for how long?
Jerry Ryan: You say something?
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: I said I love you.
Jerry Ryan: When you have something like that to say, don't mumble.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: All right, I'll holler it.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz) in Two for the Seesaw

Jerry Ryan: Didn't you understand one word I said?
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Sure! As a juror I'd give me five years.
Jerry Ryan: I'm not kidding. Need someone.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Let go!
Jerry Ryan: Need someone.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Or what? Let me go or I'll yell.
Jerry Ryan: No, you won't.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Help!
Jerry Ryan: You lunatic. Somebody'll come.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Nobody'll come, it's New York.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz) in Two for the Seesaw

Jerry Ryan: Gittel, when you've been married to somebody for 12 years, lived together for 12 years, you don't just break up. You can't just forget it like it was... Well, anyway, I cut out. Ran.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Stop running, it's the Atlantic Ocean already.
Jerry Ryan: I'm not running any more.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: Don't you see? If you can't talk to her, you're running.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz) in Two for the Seesaw

Jerry Ryan: I told you to make a claim on me, to depend on me. I practically forced you. Gittel, I care for you. I don't want to see you hurt or lost or short-changed.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: So what's the future, Jerry? You gonna think any less about her? A little time'll pass, everything'll be hunky-dory? How am I gonna give her competition? Have a hemorrhage twice a year? Trap you that way? I got half of you by being a wreck, is that how we'll go on? Oh, you gotta short-change me, Jerry.
Jerry Ryan: I've tried not to.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: That's what's outta whack. How hard you try. Who works that hard if everything's OK?


--Shirley MacLaine (as Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz) in Two for the Seesaw

Jerry Ryan: Will you stop walking up and down?
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: I'm nervous.
Jerry Ryan: So am I, but this walking around isn't helping us any.
Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz: I was just waiting to be stopped.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Gittel 'Mosca' Moscawitz) in Two for the Seesaw

Mrs. Lily Mortar: God will punish you.
Martha: He's doing all right.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Martha Dobie) in The Children's Hour

Charity Hope Valentine: Fickle Finger of Fate!


--Shirley MacLaine (as Charity Hope Valentine) in Sweet Charity

Charity Hope Valentine: Wow, this place is sure full of celebrities. I'm the only one in here I've never heard of.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Charity Hope Valentine) in Sweet Charity

Fran Kubelik: I was jinxed from the word go. The first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery.


--Shirley MacLaine (as Fran Kubelik) in The Apartment