Prison Guard: [placing the boys in solitary confinement] This is your suite.
Stanley: Have you got the time?
[Stan is shoved inside the hole and the door is locked]
Stanley: Ollie?
Oliver: What?
Stanley: I wonder how long we're going to be in here.
Oliver: Oh, about two months I guess.
Stanley: Gee, that's a month apiece.

Prison Guard: Clowning, eh?

Prison Guard: They disappeared as if the earth had completely swallowed them.
Warden: Don't worry about those two babes in the woods. Use the bloodhounds. Those hounds never fail. Why they'll trail them so straight, it will be a cinch. Those hounds are ferocious. They're killers. Ha ha ha ha, I'd like to see their faces when they see those hounds. Now hop to it.

Stanley: [after getting their prison pictures taken] If they turn out good, can I have one?
Prison Guard: Come on, get out of here!

Stanley: [they are wearing blackface] Oliver, er, Sambo!

Oliver: [at the prison dentist] Who ever heard of a dentist hurting you these days? Why, you won't even feel it.
Stanley: You won't feel it, but how about me? How about those other fellows?
Oliver: Ha ha ha ha, they were only laughing.
[sits down in dentist chair beside Stan]
Oliver: You know, there are times when you try my patience. There's nothing do it. It's all in your mind. Now just sit back and... Relax. Why they could pull every tooth in my head and I wouldn't even feel it.
[the dentist accidentally sets to work on Ollie's teeth; Ollie yelps in pain]
Oliver: Why didn't you tell him?
Stanley: I thought you were laughing.

Oliver: [Stan and Ollie are wearing blackface] They'll never recognize us in a 100 years. For once in your life you've hit up on a good idea.
Stanley: A practical idea.
Oliver: What about the tooth? The buzzer.
Stanley: Oh, I fixed that too. I vulcanized it.
Oliver: You what?
Stanley: I vulcanized it. I put some chewing gum in there and it don't buzz any more.
Oliver: You're actually using your brain. That's what comes from associating with me.
Stanley: What do you mean associa-
Oliver: Tut tut tut tut.
Stanley: Tut tut tut tut?

Oliver: We're not going to the mess hall. We're not going to eat.
Prison Guard: You're not going to eat?
Stanley: No, we're on a hunger strike.
Oliver: Imfatically.
Prison Guard: What? You're going to pass up that nice, big roast turkey with chestnut dressing, and sweet potatoes Southern style, great big pans of hot biscuits, strawberry shortcake smothered in whipped cream, sprinkled with powdered sugar, with a nice, big maraschino cherry on the top of it. Course, followed by a nice, big slice of ice cold watermelon and a big, black cigar.
Stanley: Any nuts?
Prison Guard: All you can eat of 'em.
Stanley: How about postponing the strike until tomorrow?
Oliver: Well... But not one minute after tomorrow.
Prison Guard: Come on, fall in!
Stanley: [later; Stan sees their meal of gruel] Hey! What about that turkey dinner?
Prison Guard: [shouts] Sit down, you!

Oliver: Well here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.
Stanley: What do you mean I got you into?
Oliver: Well, you sold that policeman that bottle of beer, didn't you?
Stanley: I thought he was a streetcar conductor.

Oliver: When are you going to get that tooth fixed? Every time you speak you make a funny noise. It sounds like a pipe organ.